Mamaw's Rules

Dear Offspring,

It is often part of my Dad responsibilities to school you in some of the harsher realities of life. You need to understand that just because Mamaw lets you do it, does not mean that the rest of the world will grant you such privilege. In fact, that will rarely be the case. In the real world it is not usually acceptable to wear pajamas all day and eat chips for breakfast; even if Mamaw has blessed it.

Your Loving Dad

Discernment

Dear Offspring,

My prayer for you today is that one day God may grant you the gift of discernment. Not the deeply spiritual gift that allows you to glimpse and know the Will of God. While that would indeed be a blessing, I am speaking of something more basic. I am simply seeking for you the ability to realize and fully comprehend when I have reached the end of my sanity, and nothing remains but rage, suffering, and gnashing of teeth. For surely it is your lack of discernment that would lead you to believe that bedtime is the most appropriate time to develop amnesia when it comes to the evening routine you have known for years.

Your Loving Dad

Prayer

Dear Offspring,

I want to thank you for all you have taught me about prayer. As your mother carried each of you before you were born, I learned to pray with Hope. At your birth as you entered into this great big world with all the uncertainty of new life, I learned to pray with Love. Countless times in these years as you have each faced difficult times and health struggles, I gave learned to pray with Faith. And as you have learned to push all my buttons, I have learned to pray with Patience. But tonight, as you once again whine about the unfairness of your life, I pray with Fervor, "Lord, please wrap your hands around their mouths before I wrap my hands around their necks."

Your Loving Dad